I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
