I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Randomize
