is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
