She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
