do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
