Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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