Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
