i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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