I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is classic penis vs brain.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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