I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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