But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
