I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
