Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
