her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
