Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize