I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
