even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
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I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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