kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
