I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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