Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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