I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
