I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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