My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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