I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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