I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
