benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
