she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
