you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
NoShamevember. You game?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
