google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
