help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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