You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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