We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
