Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
