you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
