her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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