I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
