Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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