im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
