I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
