She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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