Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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