just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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