whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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