we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
