What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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