that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
