Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize