She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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