OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
