when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
