So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
