Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
