I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
