My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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