some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
being pregnant is like rehab
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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