five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet