His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha