we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.