Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me