bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him