just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.