He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother