im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
