just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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