My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
