So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
