They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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