It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
