He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
