do herpes really smell.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
