His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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